Grade: D-
Good: At least one of the death scenes is bound to make you smirk or flinch; mildly clever twist at the end.
Bad: Forgettable performances from expendable ciphers; a stunning lack of creativity in regards to death scenes; A new rule that does little to improve a decidedly stale formula.
Ugly: Death’s first victim. You’ll never watch gymnasts doing a routine on the bars the same.
I was pretty sure the Final Destination franchise—as if the first film ever deserved to kick off a franchise—peaked right after that phenomenal crash sequence that opened the second movie. Yes, the first FD was novel, especially following the advent of the first Scream trilogy and the brief resurgence of slasher flicks it birthed, but nothing about it screamed (sorry), “carry on with further tales.” But, Warner Brothers did carry on and here we sit on the precipice of the fifth entry, only two years after what was billed as the final entry in the series. So, what happened? Final Destination 4 (aka THE Final Destination) earned $28.3 million in its first weekend, more than half of its $40 million budget. It stayed on top for another week, and despite dropping to a million dollar take in its third week it managed to gross $66.4 million domestically and $119.3 million in foreign sales, totaling $186.5 million worldwide. The moral: as long as there’s money to be made, people may have to die.
The fifth Final Destination treads precious little new ground, save for a new rule and an increasingly self-aware sense of humor that would have been more effective in the second installment. This time, Death is chasing a group of co-workers from an Office-inspired paper company who have dodged the Grim Reaper’s icy grip by getting off their retreat bus just before the bridge it’s parked on collapses. Prompted by a vision from aspiring chef, Sam, (Nicolas D’Agosto, showing some of the same range that made his character, West, so popular on the late Heroes) five forgettable faces who likely just escaped from the soaps or the CW’s farm team when their age monitors flashed ‘30’—including Megan Fox and Tom Cruise lookalikes (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood and Miles Fisher, respectively), two bland and nearly interchangeable girls next door (Ellen Wroe and Emma Bell) and a token black guy (Arlen Escarpeta)—plus a goofy slimeball (P.J. Byrne) and the reliably hokey David Koechner as their jerk of a boss. Lest ye be deceived, none of these characters is at all likeable, save for Sam and his girlfriend, Girl Next Door #1(Emma Bell). At this point in the franchise, it’s a given that the ‘victims’ are not deplorable, but are at least grating enough that the audiences won’t mind seeing them die horribly. Which is all that matters, right? Final Destination hasn’t been anything like a movie since the first entry; it’s a spectator sport. Audiences come to see creatively gruesome deaths that are just as likely to make them laugh as flinch.
With Final Destination 5, the creativity that was at least serviceable in prior installments has taken a sharp nosedive. Director Steven Quale probably thought he was being pretty clever with FD5, and in some ways he was, those ways just weren’t the death scenes. The outrageous death scenes audiences have come to associate with Final Destination are present but they’re so over the top and implausible that there’s no way to respond other than flinch-then-laugh and repeat. Now, looking for plausibility in this series is like looking for the holy grail in North Dakota, but is it too much to ask for a shred of realism. It seems, as far as Quale is concerned, that it is asking too much. Where the deaths in FD1 were at least somewhat grounded in identifiable reality, the unfortunate accidents in 5 devolve straight into moments plucked from a Looney Tunes short. Quale and screenwriters Eric Heisserer and Jeffrey Reddick add an extra dimension to the insanity with the new rule that taking a life will save the character’s from their fate—as introduced by horror legend and series mainstay Tony Todd—which will probably seem clever to anyone who missed On Stranger Tides. There’s another semi-clever twist at the conclusion that, depending on your appreciation for the series, is generally underwhelming. Visually, FD5 is on par with any random SyFy series shot north of the US/Canada border, but FD5 brings the added bonus of 3D! FD5 has a few scenes that get a slight boost in entertainment quality thanks to addition of 3D, but those scant moments are hardly worth the extra price. Unless, you enjoy arterial blood seemingly sprayed on your face.
The first Final Destination was released at the turn of the millennium and, in a sense, it ushered in the wave that would welcome Japanese ghost stories and torture porn, both which are pretty much following the dodo into oblivion (at least in the U.S.). Yet, somehow, Final Destination has survived and, seemingly, thrived. By my estimation, its success is directly proportional to the number of teens turning 17 or those whose IDs say they’re 25. This is a formula that truly only surprises once. Even with a bit of limp ingenuity, any audience who knows the routine is probably past tired of the Final Destination rigmarole. If they aren’t then FD5 offers more of the same hilariously gory deaths and stupid, forgettable jerks that have made the series so profitable. With no end in sight to this franchise, Final Destination is becoming as inevitable as taxes and death (sorry, again; it was too easy), but if you’re smarter than the characters, as I know you are, you’ll find a way to avoid it…for a little while.
The fifth Final Destination treads precious little new ground, save for a new rule and an increasingly self-aware sense of humor that would have been more effective in the second installment. This time, Death is chasing a group of co-workers from an Office-inspired paper company who have dodged the Grim Reaper’s icy grip by getting off their retreat bus just before the bridge it’s parked on collapses. Prompted by a vision from aspiring chef, Sam, (Nicolas D’Agosto, showing some of the same range that made his character, West, so popular on the late Heroes) five forgettable faces who likely just escaped from the soaps or the CW’s farm team when their age monitors flashed ‘30’—including Megan Fox and Tom Cruise lookalikes (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood and Miles Fisher, respectively), two bland and nearly interchangeable girls next door (Ellen Wroe and Emma Bell) and a token black guy (Arlen Escarpeta)—plus a goofy slimeball (P.J. Byrne) and the reliably hokey David Koechner as their jerk of a boss. Lest ye be deceived, none of these characters is at all likeable, save for Sam and his girlfriend, Girl Next Door #1(Emma Bell). At this point in the franchise, it’s a given that the ‘victims’ are not deplorable, but are at least grating enough that the audiences won’t mind seeing them die horribly. Which is all that matters, right? Final Destination hasn’t been anything like a movie since the first entry; it’s a spectator sport. Audiences come to see creatively gruesome deaths that are just as likely to make them laugh as flinch.
With Final Destination 5, the creativity that was at least serviceable in prior installments has taken a sharp nosedive. Director Steven Quale probably thought he was being pretty clever with FD5, and in some ways he was, those ways just weren’t the death scenes. The outrageous death scenes audiences have come to associate with Final Destination are present but they’re so over the top and implausible that there’s no way to respond other than flinch-then-laugh and repeat. Now, looking for plausibility in this series is like looking for the holy grail in North Dakota, but is it too much to ask for a shred of realism. It seems, as far as Quale is concerned, that it is asking too much. Where the deaths in FD1 were at least somewhat grounded in identifiable reality, the unfortunate accidents in 5 devolve straight into moments plucked from a Looney Tunes short. Quale and screenwriters Eric Heisserer and Jeffrey Reddick add an extra dimension to the insanity with the new rule that taking a life will save the character’s from their fate—as introduced by horror legend and series mainstay Tony Todd—which will probably seem clever to anyone who missed On Stranger Tides. There’s another semi-clever twist at the conclusion that, depending on your appreciation for the series, is generally underwhelming. Visually, FD5 is on par with any random SyFy series shot north of the US/Canada border, but FD5 brings the added bonus of 3D! FD5 has a few scenes that get a slight boost in entertainment quality thanks to addition of 3D, but those scant moments are hardly worth the extra price. Unless, you enjoy arterial blood seemingly sprayed on your face.
The first Final Destination was released at the turn of the millennium and, in a sense, it ushered in the wave that would welcome Japanese ghost stories and torture porn, both which are pretty much following the dodo into oblivion (at least in the U.S.). Yet, somehow, Final Destination has survived and, seemingly, thrived. By my estimation, its success is directly proportional to the number of teens turning 17 or those whose IDs say they’re 25. This is a formula that truly only surprises once. Even with a bit of limp ingenuity, any audience who knows the routine is probably past tired of the Final Destination rigmarole. If they aren’t then FD5 offers more of the same hilariously gory deaths and stupid, forgettable jerks that have made the series so profitable. With no end in sight to this franchise, Final Destination is becoming as inevitable as taxes and death (sorry, again; it was too easy), but if you’re smarter than the characters, as I know you are, you’ll find a way to avoid it…for a little while.
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