Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Grade: B

There is a moment during the climax of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (ALVH) when Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) and his longtime friend, freed slave Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie), are fending off a small army of vampires. The camera swings around the scene in slow-mo, capturing perfect shots of the heroes standing tall against overwhelming odds with only one weapon, a tricked out axe, between them, just like the masterful montage at the climax of the Avengers.

That moment oozes cool in the way that half the shots in Zack Snyder’s 300 adaptation were meant to evoke awe rather than push the narrative forward. It is also a moment that typifies ALVH as an exercise in style over substance that works as the perfect big budget B-movie right up until director Timur Bekambetov and screenwriter Seth Graeme-Smith are forced to reign in the cool and build a narrative that manages to simultaneously trivialize Lincoln’s presidency while making it, and the Civil War, something that could only be born in the age of superhero movies and genre mashups.

Based on Graeme-Smith’s novel of the same name, ALVH traces the rise of Honest Abe, who Walker plays with the gawky earnestness and stoic gravitas that 6th graders may attribute to the 16th President, from his youth as an aspiring lawyer to his time as President during a war that threatened to tear the nation asunder, with one key difference: he spent his spare time in those days slaying hordes of the unholy undead, as he searched for the vampire who killed his mother. Trained by the mysteriously pale Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper, tempering a bit of the charm he brought to Howard Stark), Lincoln, armed only with his trust axe and the aid of his compatriots--the aforementioned Will Johnson (Mackie, reliably dignified and criminally underused) and slinky shopkeeper Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson, adding the faintest whiff of comic relief to the stoic proceedings)--Lincoln sets forth to rid America of a contingent of vampires, led by the unnaturally ageless, foppish Rufus Sewell’s Adam, who have built an empire of the backs and blood of African slaves. How clever. While clearly overextending himself with his studies, day job and night job, the future president also has time to romance the Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, smiling ) and chart a course as a politician who will change the direction of the nation. 

ALVH is at its best when Bekambetov lets the story’s freak flag fly and embraces its ridiculousness with a straight face. Bekambetov only falters with ALVH when he is forced to follow the biographical elements of the original novel and eschew the super slow-mo vampire killing that was advertised. Granted, the appeal of Graeme-Smith’s novel was based on the juxtaposition of Lincoln’s historical biography and his fictional escapades as a slayer, but this flick could have truly been a transcendent B-movie masterpiece if it embraced all the weirdness full bore. The best example of where this film detrimentally lets the historical overshadow the fantastic is Harriet Tubman’s (Jaqueline Fleming) appearance. Tubman arrives midway through the film as a “emissary” of the Underground Railroad, which is composed of slaves who have lived under vampire tyranny for centuries. Yet, Tubman is, underwhelmingly, played with near historical accuracy. Now, imagine if Tubman was also a vampire hunter who carried a silver chain to poison and kill her former vampire overlords. Over the top? Yes. Mildly disrespectful? But, an awesome revision of a historical figure that fits in the context of the narrative? Absolutely. 

Missed chances like Harriet Tubman, Vampire Slayer, as well as some notable omissions from the original novel that would have made this far more memorable, make ALVH more disappointing than it should have been. Despite Bekambetov’s attempts to reign in the eccentricities of the narrative, ALVH still easily falls into the “so insane it’s cool” camp. Much like the maligned adaptation of Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentleman, ALVH will not be everyone’s cup of tea, as many will find it too ridiculous to be cool while some ill find it purely disrespectful. But, for those in the audience who embrace the ridiculous and survive the slower biographical moments, ALVH is a damned fun time that could have been amazing if Bekamebetov and Graeme-Smith didn’t  try to hold back the insanity.

Yin: Attempt to balance biography and horror action leads flick to be a bit (incoming pun) toothless; a tad stoic for a such an over-the-top concept, yet not Dark Knight level grim, thankfully.

Yang: Action scenes are perfectly over-the-top and delivered with shameless slow mo that shows what this flick could have been if it didn’t have to adhere to its biographical leanings; respectably promotes ridiculousness with a straight face.

In-Between: Two men. one axe. At least a dozen vampires. Almost as awesome as the Avengers versus an army of aliens. Almost.