Grading on a Curve

Giving grades for movies is pretty much de riguer these days, but few critics really take the time to explain the "logic" behind their grading systems. Having taught a few classes here and there, I know it's important for folks to know what grades mean so that they don't freak out when they get a C. The thing about grading movies, as has been noted by a number of online critics (from the always wonderful FILM CRIT HULK to the good people at the AV Club), is that the grades don't matter as much as the discussion, which is absolutely true.

The enjoyment of movies, any type of storytelling in fact, is so completely subjective that there's no way a single grade from one critic should ever be the sole deciding factor in your decision to catch a flick or wait until it hits itunes, Netflix, or cable. Instead, reviews should seek to give you, at best, an overview of the story and some insight on what works and what doesn't. Bear in mind that all reviews are tinged by the reviewers experiences and interests, so despite our best efforts, all reviewers are inherently biased and whatever scale we use to assess a movie reflects those biases. As much as I try to avoid bias, I often fall victim to movies that remind me of my favorite movies from my formative years. That said, I would hope that my years of experience absorbing literally thousands of films from all genres and continents helps me to help you answer one simple question: should I catch this flick in the theater or wait until I can see it on the cheap?

These grades might help too:

A - See it on opening night
B - Catch a matinee
C - Wait to stream or download
D - Don't pay for this flick; if you must see it, wait to watch on TNT on a lazy Sunday afternoon
F - Avoid at all costs; don't even watch this for free

Hopefully, this helps makes of sense of those grades at the top of the reviews. More importantly, I hope this helps you make the best decision possible with your entertainment dollars.