After the Fact Review - Total Recall

This remake is a bad idea, isn't it?

 Grade: C+

Ah...August. The time of year when the studios start to unload the crap that couldn't draw at the height of summer. The first sacrificial lamb out the gate: Len Wiseman's remake of Paul Verhoeven's 1990 sci-fi mindbender Total Recall.

I remember seeing the original Total Recall when it hit HBO, but I don't recall all the details--pun only kind of intended--but I do remember a few of then-star Arnold Schwarzeneger's cheesy one-liners, the triple breasted hooker, the collapsible disguise, the rebel leader with the alien in his chest, and Schwarzenger's eyes bugging out in the Martian atmosphere. What will I remember from Wiseman's version: Kate Beckinsale is unstoppable, Colin Farrell is embracing his place as a B-list Tom Cruise, Jessica Biel has the charisma of a shard of dead wood, and Walter White may be the man behind the rise of the Galactic Empire's duo-tone styling. Not quite the same quality of memories.

The difference in the memories I took from Wiseman's Total Recall and those I took from Verhoeven's is directly related to Wiseman's decision to eschew the oddly endearing weirdness and intelligence of the original and its source material, Phillip K. Dick's "We Can Remember it For You Wholesale", in favor of a straight-up, stone-faced sci-fi actioner with some middling commentary on economic equality.

This time, there are no trips to Mars, as the action centers around the conflict between the remaining inhabitable zones in a post-apocalyptic 22nd century Earth: the upper class United Federation of Britain and the home to the working and lower class, the former Australia, now known as the Colony. Farrell plays Doug Quaid, a Colony inhabitant who is grossly dissatisfied with riding a super-size subway that cuts through the Earth's core to get to his job as a factory worker. Looking for a way to break out this rut, Quaid makes a jaunt to Rekall, a dream factory that manufactures exciting, interactive memories of lives unlived for its clients. Doug's trip to Rekall does a little more than leave him with a few breathless memories of a fake life as a secret agent, it appears to have activated some latent memories of a real life as a secret agent. With thes old memories unlocked, Quaid must outrun his formerly doting wife turned lethal undercover agent, Lori (a relentless Kate Beckinsale), and Bryan Cranston's conniving Chancellor Cohagen, and, with the help of a mysterious woman of/from his dreams (Jessica Biel), discover his true identity while stopping a war that threatens the stability of the Colony.

As a straight-faced, routine action flick, Total Recall does its job adequately, if not particularly memorably or inventively, and hits the beats it needs to, from brutal fisticuffs to the standard high speed chase to mildly intense yet bloodless gun battles, all at a fairly solid clip. As a remake, it fails to capture the essence of its quirky, off-kilter original by dropping the more humorous elements and sly intelligence in favor of an ultra-serious tone, empty social commentary, and an even grimmer, more cluttered aesthetic that rips off Blade Runner, Minority Report, and any number of recent sci-fi flicks about an amnesiac tough guy punching his way back to his memories. This leads to a take on the material that is so rehashed that it becomes impersonal, making much of the narrative lack weight. In Recall, the story of the amnesiac secret agent freedom fighter is so rote that it's been packaged into an interactive experience, the likes of which so placates the populace that they seem to care significantly less about gaining economic equality than the main characters do.

Yet, for all its lack of wit and insight, Total Recall is a solid diversion that exists in the same space as flicks produced by Luc Besson's action factory. It is inoffensive and exciting enough to make two hours blaze by with solid pacing, occasionally engaging set pieces, and acceptable if not revelatory performances. Speaking of which, Bryan Cranston and Kate Beckinsale pretty much get co-MVP honors--shocking, considering Cranston's ouevre and the fact that Beckinsale's husband just happens to be the director--for what its worth, performing with a bit more joy and devilishness as the top baddies than Farrell and Biel, who are saddled with the thankless, personality-free hero roles. These performances, as with the narrative, are serviceable but not bothersome and help make the flick live up to its placement as the first entry in the August box office sweepstakes: not good enough to draw the big crowds but not bad enough to bore the few souls who drop ten or twelve bucks on a ticket out of their skulls.

In-Between Observations:

• The triple-breasted hooker returns in a way that clearly pushes the limits of the PG-13 rating.
• Why do near-future societies always look like some variation on Tokyo?
• I know actors need to work, but this Jessica Biel thing has really run its course.
• The Synthetics are clearly stormtrooper knock-offs but they may be the best looking knock-offs we've seen in a while.
• Yes, 90% of Kate Beckinsale's moves in Total Recall are ripped from her more notable role as Underworld's dominatrix vampire assassin Selene.